It had always been about the love. Writing is my happy place, my zen. When I slip into that groove, the real world just falls away. I’m in the heads of people I’ve created, in a world of my making. It’s not what it sounds, though. This isn’t some god complex. I make the characters, but they make their own decisions. I set the path, and they choose their own. More often than not, it gets them into trouble, and it’s up to me to save them.
I can’t always save them.
It’s always been about the love, and the hopes that someday I would have enough readers to be able to write what I want and still make a living. I’ve never wanted fame or riches. Just to pay the bills. That, for me, is the epitome of all of this.
But things change. Life happens.It’s always been about the love, but now it’s become about the money. My situation has changed, and I no longer have the luxury of time.
I’ve never been one to get too personal on my blog and such – really, I’ve never been one to get personal with anything. Today, however, I felt a need to talk a little. Don’t mistake the purpose of this post. I’m not asking for help. This is not a plea of “Buy my books and help me pay rent!” I’m just at a crossroads, and inevitably in a moment of indecision, you turn to someone to talk it out. Even if they don’t talk back, sometimes it just helps. You are my ear. Just talking to you helps.
Getting a normal 9-5 job is no longer an option. I have a child to raise. I’ve never been happier than I am now, at home with her, raising her, watching her grow, and writing every chance I get. It’s not that I feel I’m above a normal job. Lord knows I’ve put in more manhours than anyone else my age. For six months, I once worked two full-time jobs, and one part-time. When did I sleep, you ask? Sunday.
But I digress.
I’ll not have a stranger raise my child, and I don’t want a career in anything other than writing. So, if that’s the path I choose to walk… how can I make enough? Don’t misunderstand, I’m not alone in this. There will be help, but I’ve never been one to be dependant on another. Eventually (hopefully soon) I would like to be independent, and any help simply being a bonus to use for the child’s toys, or clothes.
So what do I do? I have two series I’ve started that tie into one another. So far, wherever they’ve gone, they’ve been fairly well received. If I were to finish those, would they do well for me? While we’re on the topic of writing for money, the idea of starting up a different pen-name and writing romance has come to mind. The truth of the matter is, romance sells. It’d be a switch for me and my style, since obviously I wouldn’t be able to kill any main characters (oh but the urge would be great), but that’s putting a lot of writing eggs in one basket. What if I do that, and it doesn’t pan out? The time and effort making those books could’ve been spent on my own.
Ugh. I don’t know. I still have a lot of thinking to do. If you have any ideas, feel free to fire them my way.